David’s suit case was always either too big or too small. He never understood why that was, but it was something that he had to live with any time he wanted to go anywhere. His travels recently were taking him to Colorado: the land of plenty of space unless it’s your own backyard.
His parents’ big move last summer was nothing short of difficult. David’s father was offered a promotion in the company that he had served so well for twenty five years and so he felt like he had to take it.
It was really no big deal to David; seventeen years in the same house - the same mold - got redundant. His mother took it the hardest. Everyone was gone during the day at school and work. At least here she had friends and family. She knew she was going to have to start over once they moved. As the time to say goodbye drew closer, she was in fifth grade all over again; collecting gifts and trinkets from her friends in hopes that she wouldn’t forget them.
David was just finishing at a community college and planning to transfer to a local university when his parents broke the news. He knew he wasn’t going with them. He had too much going for him where he was.
David’s brother, Dan, stayed in California too. He was out of high school and jumped at the opportunity to live away from home. David knew Dan cared about their family, he just couldn’t tell how much. Dan liked to do things his way.
David never knew if it was going to be warm or cold out there. The Midwest was a new and strange place. During the summer, it could be eighty degrees outside without a cloud in the sky all day, and then by mid afternoon it would be pouring rain--but only for about fifteen minutes.
David had been to visit his parents in Colorado twice before. Once, a month after the move and again on his winter break. It was now spring break and he would be going out there for a week. His dad was traveling all the time and would only be there a few nights, so it would just
be him and his mom mostly. It was okay: plenty of time to relax.
Today, however, there was no time. He had to do laundry, pack, take care of the bills and the rent, plus his band was playing a show in Hollywood later that night. On top of all this, his flight was leaving at 6:30 the following morning. David’s dad was in town on business and gave him explicit instructions to be at Grandma’s house at 4:15 am to get a ride to the airport. David knew that he wasn’t going to sleep.
Boxers.
Socks.
Pants.
Shorts.
Shirts.
Jackets.
Toothbrush, toothpaste, deodorant, hairbrush.
Now to zip it up. It looked like this time it was going to be too small. Between tugs, David glanced over at the clock that sat on top of his bookshelf. 3:15 pm. He finally won his battle with his suitcase zipper and rushed into the living room to check his email. David never missed a day of checking his e-mail, in hopes of a letter from an excited fan and to keep up with any auctions he was bidding for on eBay. He almost never got anything from anyone that he knew.
“Can I get a ride with you over to the show?” said Adam from the couch. David hadn’t noticed him sitting there
“I have to be there by five,” said David. “So, yes, if you don’t mind getting there a little early.”
“Oh. Do you know if Justin is going?”
“I really have no idea. Give him a call at work. The number is on the fridge.”
Adam pushed himself up from the couch and walked to the phone.
* * *
Gas-powered RC cars defined the junior high years that Adam and David bounced through together. Every weekend David was at Adam’s house working on a new car. Adam was the mastermind behind the construction and David was just the flunky assistant. He didn’t mind though because he adored Adam.Adam lived in an old house in Altadena that was built in the 1920’s. From the outside it looked like a small, one-story cottage, but when you walked down the steep, sweeping driveway, you could see that it was actually two stories. The bottom floor consisted of a T.V. room, bathroom and Adam’s bedroom.
Adam’s room was cool. Not amazing by any means, but cooler than most other rooms that belonged to boys his age. His walls were covered in posters of bands and movies: Nirvana and Smashing Pumpkins; Hackers and Mallrats. On one wall he had hung the guts of a computer that could run from its place if he hooked a monitor up to it.
The two tromped down the steep, narrow staircase and turned through his bedroom door. Adam walked across the floor and sat on his bed which lived in one corner of the room. It had the softest comforter, pillows and mattress that David had ever felt. David leaned against the large computer desk in the adjacent corner that took up half of each twelve foot wall that the wide arms extended across. In between the two was a long sliding glass window that was patched up with duct tape from when Adam threw his two hundred dollar watch through it during a fight with his dad. Across from the window was Adam’s dresser topped with pictures of him and his parents. To the left of the dresser was the wall that was always concealed by the open bedroom door and to the right was a walk in closet filled with the latest skate and surf clothes. The closet door formed the corner directly opposite of the desk with a large built in cabinet that met the foot of his bed. The cabinet was the only thing in his room that was from the original construction. It was where Adam kept all his toys and hobbies.
Adam was one of those kids who liked to tinker. At a young age he knew a lot about mechanics and electronics, but his strength was in computers. He began designing websites at age ten, and was able to program games by age twelve.
They were almost finished with the car. Only a few small adjustments to make and then they just had to put the finishing aesthetic touches on. Adam pulled a heap of gears, and miscellaneous metal pieces with wheels out from the cabinet while David cleared some space on the desk to lay it down. After examining it for a minute, Adam said, “Here, hold these two pieces together while I dig around in the cabinet to find my wrench.”
David stared at the car. I wish I had a hobby like this, he thought. I really should save some money so that I can buy another model rocket. That’s at least something that I can do without Adam’s help. I wonder how long it would take to learn how to build one of these on my own. I bet Dad could help me with it. David realized that he had let his thoughts run away and didn’t know how long he had been standing there holding the two whatsits together while Adam looked for the wrench.
“Hey Adam did you find that wrench -” As David turned, he saw that Adam was holding a glass bottle. He was staring at it with such fervor that it seemed as though he was looking right through it, and passed the floor to the heart of his house. David let the pieces he was holding bounce off the desk and onto the floor.
“What is that?”
“It’s a bottle of alcohol.”
“What?”
“It’s scotch.”
“Well what’s it doing in your room?”
“I don’t know.”
Adam removed the cap and breathed in the aged vapors. They floated up his nostrils and into his eyes, clouding them. The bottle was more than half gone. Its origin was unknown but also a matter of little importance to them. David took the bottle from him and looked at the label.
“1935,” he said.
“I think we should try it.”
“Are you serious? This stuff’s probably terrible.”
“I dare you to take a capful,” said Adam.
A twelve year old can never turn down a dare. Adam poured David the first shot of his life into the cap of his Listerine bottle. David took a big whiff.
“Smells like mint,”
“That’s the Listerine dumbass, just drink it already.”
David tossed the burning liquid to the back of his throat and choked it down. He fell all over himself running to the bathroom, shoved his head under the sink and turned it on full blast. The flavor still lingered under his tongue; a butterrum Lifesaver dipped in the smell of Mop ‘n’ Glow.
“You’re next,” coughed David.
He poured Adam his shot. Adam tilted his head and gulped it down. He closed his eyes tight for a second, let out a cough and breathed a sigh of relief and satisfaction.
* * *
“Did you get a hold of him?” asked David, tying his shoes.“Yeah, he can give me a ride, it’s cool.”
“All right, well I guess I’ll see you there then.”
“See ya,” said Adam throwing himself back on the couch.
David closed the front door behind him, guitar in one hand, bills in the other. He trotted down the steps and turned to the front of the building to put the bills in the outgoing mail slot.
David hated being the guy in charge of all the money in his apartment. His other roommate, Justin, was less than reliable, so David knew going into the situation that he was going to have to take control and be in charge of those things.
Justin was an old friend of David’s that he had known throughout childhood. He wasn’t David’s first choice for a roommate, but he didn’t have many options with most of his other friends not being in school and jobless. Justin had never really been what most would consider a fair weather friend, but he was introverted, so there was some distance between him and David.
He walked out the glass front doors and down the steps to his car. 4:04 pm. I hate Hollywood, David thought to himself.
The problem with playing a show in Hollywood was that you always had to be there in the middle of rush hour. Getting there was more than just a pain in the ass; it could be infuriating. David was focused on the long drive ahead, when his concentration was broken by his ringing cell phone.
“Hey Danny.”
“I talked a few more people from school into coming tonight.”
“Oh, awesome.”
“They might bring friends; do we have enough tickets for them?”
“Oh yeah, it shouldn’t be a problem.”
“See you there.”
“Later.”
David had played music with his brother from the time they started school. Piano lessons turned into interest in the marching band which evolved into playing guitar and bass. They had been playing in a band together for quite some time.
David pulled into the parking lot behind The Knitting Factory to unload his equipment. His music career consumed much of his time recently. He stayed in school to make his parents happy but he would jump at the opportunity to quit and tour full time. Sometimes he felt like it was impossible to slow down enough to catch his breath. Life was reduced to flashes of color and noise and it was hard to remember what he even did last week. He knew that once school started up again after spring break, the events of this day would be nothing but a dim memory of a few words and pictures.
* * *
David sat on the couch watching afternoon cartoons. A grande burrito sat on the coffee table in front of him and he chewed loudly trying to quench the hunger that had been brought on by the afternoon’s water polo practice. His senior year was getting more exhausting with each passing week. His mom poked her head around the corner.“David, phone.”
“Hello?”
“Hey Dave, guess who this is?”
“Uh....I don’t know, who?”
The voice sounded familiar, but distant. It was like trying to remember a dream the
morning after.
“C’mon man, it’s Adam!”
“Oh hey! How’s it going?”
“I’m good, I’m good. What have you been doing, these last few....years?”
“Um, well I’ve been playing water polo, and I’ve been playing a lot with my band-”
“That’s cool, that’s cool,”
David could sense the anxious hesitation in Adam’s voice, but tried to brush it off.
“So what have you been up to?” asked David.
“Oh well....You know me, always up to something.”
David let out a fake laugh trying to pretend like he didn’t know what that meant. His heartbeat started to quicken as he searched his mind for the real reason Adam called him.
“Hey listen, I’m in kind of a tight situation,” said Adam. “I owe a couple people some money, and I don’t know them that well, you know just people from school, but I thought it could be easier if I just - you know - owed the money to one person - “
“Wait, stop,” said David, his heartbeat pounding in his wrists. “We haven’t talked hardly at all or even seen each other once in almost two years, and the first thing you do is ask to borrow money?”
“I know, it sounds bad, but - I mean - c’mon man, I’ve never asked you for anything like this before, you got some cash don’t you?”
“What kind of money are you talking about?”
“Three.”
“What?! You honestly think I have that kind of cash? I’m seventeen, remember?”
“Well could you ask your parents maybe?”
“What the hell are you talking about? My parents can’t loan you three hundred dollars. What about your parents? I don’t understand why you’re coming to me about this.”
“I....I can’t ask them,” stuttered Adam. “They don’t understand, you know how they are.”
“Adam....seriously you need to wake up. Your parents care about you man. I’m sick of you lying to me about this stuff. Things are no different than they were two years ago. I know you don’t owe anyone money. You need to get your act together. You’re smarter than all this stuff that you’re doing. I tell you these things every time we talk, and you never listen. Why don’t you try and get a job doing websites, or programming or something? You’ve always been good at stuff like that, why would you let it go to waste?”
David suddenly realized that he had practically preached a sermon to Adam. He braced
himself for the ugly reaction.
“I knew you would be a little shit like that. Big, important Dave, too good for his old friend Adam. You don’t know what I’ve been through the last few years--you don’t know how hard it’s been for me.”
“Look, I want to help you, but not by giving you more money to fan the flames.”
Dave kept the phone to his ear for almost a minute after the click. The dial tone was so loud that he almost didn’t hear his mom talking to him.
“David, are you ok?” He quickly pulled the phone from his ear.
“Uh, yeah...I’m alright.”
“Your burrito is probably kinda cold, you want me to heat it up?”
“Sure, thanks.”
David held his head with his finger tips for a few minutes. His mom sat beside him. “He’ll come around. I know he’s really a good kid,”
“I’m not so sure,” David sighed.
* * *
The turn out at the show was disappointing, but David was used to the routine, so it didn’t bother him. All he could think about was how he had to be at his grandma’s in six hours. He wandered around the venue looking for his bandmates to get them to take all their stuff out to the cars. He found Paul before he found anyone from his band.Paul was a friend David had made through some mutual acquaintances of theirs. They shared an interest in the same music so they got along pretty well. David never really felt that close to him though, because Paul was the type of person who lived in his own world. He would ignore a conversation if it had nothing to do with him, not go somewhere unless there were people he knew going, and not think twice about you if you didn’t like the same things as him.
“Hey Davey, we’re all going over to this guy’s pad for a little party, you wanna go? Good show by the way.”
“Thanks, who’s place?”
“A friend of a friend’s--you know. They were at the show and invited a bunch of us over, you gonna go?”
“Where is it?”
“Oh it’s like five minutes from here, you gonna go?”
“Uh, I’ll have to see. I have to meet my dad right now for a late dinner but I’ll probably stop by later. I’ll call you to get directions after I drop him off at my grandma’s.”
“Alright, you need any help loading up?”
“Oh yeah sure, I just gotta find Dan, have you seen him?”
“Uh, a little while ago. He might be outside.”
The two walked up the stairs to the front of the venue. The Sunset Strip was just beginning to wake up for the night. Cars cruised down the street, shaking shop windows with the bass that poured out of their trunks. Everywhere you looked lights flashed, lines to get passed bouncers stretched for blocks and struggling actors strolled down the sidewalk, dressed like they had just made their first million. Sitting on the curb were Adam and Justin.
“Hey good show man,” said Adam.
“Thanks. What are you guys up to now?”
“Oh we’re just going to head back to the apartment, you?”
“Oh, I got a busy night planned. I probably won’t sleep. I have to go get my dad from my grandma’s so we can get a late dinner, then I might go over to some guys’ place for a little kickback. I’ll be back home after that though.”
“Cool man,” breathed Adam as he and Justin stood up. “I’ll see you when I see you.”
“Peace.”
As they turned the corner, Dan came hopping up the stairs.
“Hey, Dan! We gotta get out of here. Dad wants us to go grab a burger with him.”
“Dad’s in town? Goddamnit Dave, why don’t you tell me this shit?”
“It’s just a half an hour of your time, then you can go do whatever you want.”
“What are all these guys from school supposed to do?”
“I don’t know,” sighed David. “What were you planning on doing later?”
“I wanna take them to Fred 62.”
“Who else is going?”
“Whoever.”
“Alright well can’t you just send them back to your dorm for a bit with someone? I know I saw one of your roommates here. Just send them back, then you can go get them after the thing with Dad and I’ll meet you guys there.”
“Oh now you wanna go too?” said Dan in his usual holier-than-thou tone.
“You said whoever, didn’t you?”
“You guys are going to Fred later?” said Paul, butting in. “I’m there.”
He hadn’t been paying attention to the conversation at all, he simply heard the name of a place he knew people thought was cool.
“Fucking shit, all of Hollywood can’t squeeze into a booth at Fred.”
“Don’t be such a dick," said Paul "there’s plenty of Fred to go around.”
“Look, not everyone in the world is going to be there, so don’t worry about it,” said David.
“Ok, ok, well what are you going to do after we drop Dad off?”
“I’m going over to some kickback around here somewhere,” said David.
“You better not make us wait there for you Dave. If we’re sitting more than five minutes, we’re just going to order without you.”
“Shut up and help me load up this stuff and I’ll meet you at Grandma’s.“
* * *
“Hey Jimmy! Is there anymore to drink?” he mumbled loudly.
“Nah bro, it’s gone.”
“Fu-hu-hu-kk,” coughed Adam between giggles.
He sat up and turned to David who was sitting on the couch, staring off into space.
“How ya doin man?” he said.
“I’m alright,” replied David uncomfortably.
“That’s good, that’s good...I had a little too much to drink..”
“Uh...yeah...I guess so.”
“What’s wrong man?” asked Adam suddenly very concerned.
“Nothing.”
“No, what’s wrong, did I do something wrong?”
Adam began to stutter and slumped over against the armchair. His eyes were glazed and clouded.
“How come you didn’t want to drink anything?”
“I just don’t feel like it.”
“You never feel like it!” screamed Adam.
A stream of vomit immediately projected itself out of Adam’s wide open mouth. It splattered on his parents antiques and on their leather couch. Some found its way over to the black baby grand that sat against the bay window. On the piano sat a time line of the Stevens family. Portraits of Adam’s parents and grandparents at one end, followed by portraits of Adam. The contents from frame to frame morphed with each school year. The final frame, closest to the keys of the piano, was much different. It contained David's senior portrait, in his cap and gown.
“Let’s talk about something else,” said David.
He hated coming to Adam’s kickbacks, but for some reason he felt obligated.
“How’s your computer class going?”
“Fine,” said Adam, unhappy with the change in topic.
“How about political science?” pushed David. “Justin was saying how you got a higher grade than him on the last essay.”
“Yeah...” said Adam bashfully.
“So you think you’ll be out of city college in a couple years with me?”
“We’ll see...I might take it a little slower than most. I want to make sure that I don’t fail anything.”
“Alright. You know, my dad told me that he would hire you to do an internship in his office. Lot’s of software development and maybe some web design too. There could be some real potential there.”
“I know. I think I’ll call him tomorrow,” said Adam, suddenly looking more sober.
* * *
David pulled into his grandma’s driveway. 10:47 pm. She was an elderly immigrant from Austria, with a thick German accent who lived in a peeling, two story, Spanish style house in the hills of Glendale.David’s father was waiting on the porch: a sharp, well-dressed fortysomething.
“Where’s Danny?” he said.
“Taking some buddies back to his dorm--he should be here any minute.”
“How was the show?”
“Alright. Normal Hollywood thing.”
“Does that mean it sucked?”
“Well we didn’t suck, but the show overall did.”
“That’s too bad...So how’s school going?”
“Busy,” said David, staring off into the night sky.
Danny’s headlights flashed across them as he pulled in behind David’s car. He tooted his horn and they climbed in.
“Someone’s in a hurry,” said Dad.
Danny rolled his eyes and backed out of the driveway.
* * *
David sat for a minute with the phone to his ear.“Hello? Dave, you still there? I was...just sayin that I’m sorry...about the stuff I did to you
the last few years. It was...uh...it was pretty shitty.”
“Huh?” said David walking through his new apartment picking up dirty dishes and empty glasses. “...Oh yeah...sure, sure.”
“I was just thinking about stuff, you know, that’s happened over the years and I realized that I’ve been wrong this whole time. I should’ve been listening to you.”
David sat down in his recliner, kicked off his sandals and turned on the T.V. He wanted to end the conversation as soon as possible.
“Adam, I’ve heard this before man, you-”
“No. Dave. It’s different this time, it really is.”
David could hear something different in his voice, but he wasn’t quite sure what it was.
“I want to believe you man, but you have to understand that I can’t.”
“Yeah, I know...so....how’s the apartment?” said Adam, searching for something more pleasant.
“It’s alright. Not what I thought it was going to be. Turns out Justin doesn’t make a very good roommate.
“I figured that,” chuckled Adam.
“How you doing down in San Clemente?”
“Oh man, it’s so nice. Less than a mile from the beach. I just sit and relax all day.”
“That’s cool,” said David, knowing that his next question would tell him whether or not Adam was serious about his apology. “Are you looking for a new job down there....or?”
“Oh....yeah, I am, but I’m gonna try and take a few units at the community college down here...so....yeah...”
“How are you paying for the apartment?”
“My dad just writes me a check.”
“Oh, alright. Well, hey if you need any help with any of your classes, I could definitely give you some,” offered David.
“Cool, thanks man.”
“Adam.”
“Yeah?”
“I think I can forgive you.”
* * *
Danny was the most impatient person David had ever known. He couldn’t even talk to him on the phone for more than a minute without Dan cutting in with “Hey could you wrap this up, I’m kinda busy right now.” And now he couldn’t wait to drop their dad off and get back to his dorm.“Dan, slow down. Jiminy Christmas,” said Dad.
“Chill out Dad,” snapped Danny. “The guys have been waiting at my dorm for an hour.”
“Alright, you’ll get there. So Dave, you gonna try and get some sleep tonight?”
“No, I’ve pretty much accepted that I’m going to be up all night. I’m going to Fred 62 with Dan and Paul and some of the guys.”
“What’s at Fred 62 that warrants you staying up all night?”
“Rocky road pancakes.”
“Huh, I see.”
“And before we hit up Fred, I have to go get Paul from a party back in Hollywood.”
“You’re going back to Hollywood? Jesus, Mary and Joseph, Dave! I’m the one paying for your gas! Are you sure you don’t want to try and get some sleep?”
“I’ll just be more tired if I only sleep an hour or two. I can just sleep on the plane.”
“Whatever you want to do, just don’t be late.”
Danny pulled back into Grandma’s driveway.
“I’ll see ya later Dad,” said Danny.
“Alright bud, see ya. Be good and stay focused on school. Dave, I’ll see you at four fifteen.”
“Yeah, see ya.”
He and his dad stepped out of the car. David leaned into the window.
“What time are you gonna be at Fred?” he asked.
“I’ll call you when I’m on my way but probably a little after midnight.”
David walked over to his car and hopped in. 11:14 pm. He followed the same route that he took to get to his grandma’s: through the Hollywood Hills and down Sunset Blvd. David turned the dome light on and glanced over at the directions that he had scribbled down from Paul over the phone while he was In-N-Out with Danny and their dad.
From the 101, exit Sunset.
Left on Highland.
Right on Fountain.
Go three blocks down and turn right.
Street name starts with either an S or a V.
Find parking.
Address is 1128, apt. 3E.
David’s phone was vibrating in his hand. He saw from the caller ID that it was Adam. He didn’t really feel like talking right then, but he decided to be nice and answer.
“Hello?”
“It’s Adam.”
“What’s up?”
“You on your way back yet? Justin and I want to play some video games and we want you here,” Adam said with excitement in his voice.
David pulled the car over for a minute.
“Oh, I still haven’t even been to the party yet. And after that I’m meeting Dan over at Fred 62 with some other people. You wanna go?”
“Oh...no it’s cool man, I’ll just chill here,” Adam’s voice relaxed slightly.
“I could come get you, I’m just leaving my grandma’s.”
“Nah, don’t worry about it.”
“Alright, well when I get back I’m gonna need help staying awake. I have to be back at my grandma’s at four fifteen to meet my dad.”
“Why?” asked Adam surprised.
“I’m going to Colorado this week, remember? My flight is at six thirty.”
“Oh, right. I forgot,” said Adam with obvious disappointment. “I’ll be up when you get back.”
“Cool man, I’ll see you then.”
He plowed his way into Hollywood much faster than earlier that day. He finally found
parking and strolled over to the apartment building. The lobby was gratified and unfurnished with the exception of a dead fern in the corner. The elevator was circa 1934, including a gate that you had to pull in front of you for the door. The hallway was grey cement, including the walls. David ambled down it, looking for 3E. Upon finding it, he reached for the doorbell, but the door opened before he had the chance to ring. A stranger stood in front of him.
“How’d you know I was here?” said David.
“Just had a feeling. Good show tonight, by the way.”
“Thanks.”
“Want a beer or something?”
”Nah I’m good. “You are?” said David, extending his hand.
“Oh sorry, I’m Rick. This is my pad, make yourself at home.”
“Thanks.”
David pushed his way through the groups of people that were somehow all smashed into Rick’s tiny one bedroom apartment. The different circles that they gathered in were like the gears of a clock. David looked around the room, taking snapshots in his head. He would most likely never see this place again. Paul was sitting at a table playing poker with some other guys.
“Hey Dave, you made it!”
“Yeah, but I think we gotta be leaving soon.”
“Oh, c’mon, we have to stay long enough for you to play a few hands of poker with us.”
“I would, but I don’t want to make Dan wait. He gets pissed so easily about that stuff.”
“Alright, but we gotta stay for a little longer, just to hang out.”
“We’ll stay as long as we can.”
David stood looking over the table. He was starting to feel his energy slowly leave. He thought back to packing earlier that day. It felt like a year ago.
“Hey Paul, let’s go soon. I think Dan will probably be at Fred any minute.”
“Alright, just one more hand.” He turned to the rest of the table, “Boys, I’m all in.”
* * *
Saturdays were the only day that David slept past ten. He usually didn’t like to because his bed was next to the window and the morning sun usually made it too hot to sleep. But the pressures of school and everything else had sucked all his energy out, so he needed to sleep despite the sweat. His slumber was disrupted by a loud knock on the door. The only people who ever knocked before entering were pizza delivery guys and the land lord. David wasn’t expecting the land lord, so he hoped that he hadn’t ordered any pizza in his sleep.He tossed some clothes from the floor on and walked to the door. He paused for a moment before opening contemplating whether or not he should look out the eye hole to see who it was. He was feeling more adventurous than usual this particular morning, so he opened the door. In front of him stood Adam, well groomed and with a little smile on his face.
“Surprise,” he said.
“Uh...Come in.”
“How’s it going?”
“Good. I mean, as good as it could be. So I hear that Justin’s dad got you a new job? Looks like it worked out, yeah?”
“Yeah I’m doing programming for Dr. Batalah.”
“Awesome, that must be paying well. Want something to drink?”
Adam plopped himself down on the couch as if he hadn’t heard David at all and stretched like he had been up and working since five in the morning.
“Long day so far?” asked David.
“Yeah I had to be at work pretty early this morning. It feels so good to have an actual job again.”
“That’s really great man. I’m glad to see you’re on your feet.”
There was silence for at least a minute. David was suddenly filled with a terrible anxiousness in his stomach. He would not be able to deal with it if Adam asked him for money again. But David quickly put down that notion. Adam had been working full time, there’s no way he would need money. David did know, however, that Adam did have something fairly serious on his mind. David finally decided to break the silence.
“So what brings you down here?”
“Well...” Adam paused for a minute searching for the words to say. “You know how I was living in the room above my girlfriend’s garage?”
“Yeah,” said David casually.
“Well she’s going to Germany for three months, and I really feel like I’m a burden on her parents because they won’t let me pay for anything. I know it’s not a big deal for them, but I just feel bad about it. And I really can’t move back in with my parents, because, and I know you’re going to disagree, but I really feel like they don’t want me there. I can’t go back.”
“You can stay here as long as you want. I’ll get you a key,”
Adam was stunned by the unexpected response.
“That’s it?” he said. “You don’t want me to expla - I had this whole proposition laid out.”
“I trust you. I’m sure Justin will be okay with you staying, so you can stay.”
Adam was still shocked at what he was hearing David say. He was embarrassed by it and unwanted tears welled up in his eyes.
“Is something wrong?” asked David.
“No, no, no,” said Adam hastily. They sat in silence for a long time.
The weather was beginning to warm. The sugary smell of springtime had found it’s way back into the Los Angeles Basin and the local mountains were cloaked in a brown haze which made them look like a large distant painting. The freeway across the street from the apartment building was unusually noisy, but the months of living next to it turned it into a new silence. It was hardly noticeable anymore to David. The palm trees of the valley swayed in the wind. From the balcony of the apartment, you could see thousands of them, tall flowers in a field of rooftops.
“You need help getting your stuff or anything?” asked David.
“Oh, no I got someone to help me out, thanks though.”
He remained on the couch like a statue; leaning forward, heels together forming a “V” with his feet, hands folded neatly between his knees.
“Adam, you don’t have to feel bad anymore. You’ve come a long way these past few years.”
Adam perked up a bit. “Thanks Dave.”
* * *
David looked at the last two bites of his rocky road pancake sitting in front of him.“You gonna finish that?” asked Dan. He stabbed the two pieces with his fork before David even finished shaking his head. David glanced down at his watch. 2:04 am.
“I’d better get home. I gotta finish packing some stuff up,” he said, pushing back his chair from the table.
“Lates Davey,” said Dan as he stretched and yawned. “I’ll see you at the family Easter shindig next Sunday.”
“Alright. See you guys later.”
“Later,” said the others in unison.
David’s eyes were getting heavier and heavier the closer he got to his apartment. After what seemed like hours, he pulled into the parking garage, stumbled up the stairs to his apartment and pushed open the door.
“Hey man, how’s it goin?” greeted Adam sitting on the couch, the blue glow of the television lighting his face and casting deep shadows across the walls.
“Tired,” yawned David. “I gotta pack a couple things up real quick and then...what time is it?”
“Almost two thirty.”
“Is everyone else asleep?”
“Yeah they turned in a while ago.”
“Sorry to leave you here alone for so long.”
“No worries.”
“So yeah, let me pack up this stuff and then we can start a movie or something.”
“Sounds good.”
David rounded up his things and brought them into the living room, setting them next to the front door. Adam stood at the DVD rack, scanning the titles.
Finally stopping on one, he said, “How ‘bout Mallrats?”
“Sure,” said David, collapsing onto his recliner.
Adam popped the disc in and started it up. David’s eyes began to weigh down again. He closed them for what felt like only a second when he was shaken awake by Adam.
“Hey man, it’s ten till four.”
“Oh, did I fall asleep?” mumbled David.
“Yeah man, like five minutes after the movie started. I could barely hear it over your snoring.”
“I don’t snore,” smiled David as he rolled over on the fully reclined chair.
“Like a bear. C’mon man, you gotta get up and get over to your grandma’s.”
“Yeah,” said David forcing himself off the chair.
“You need help with your stuff?”
“Nah, I got it. Thanks though. Hey, sorry we didn’t get to hang out today. We’ll have to finish the movie and hit up those video games when I get back,” said David, slapping Adam on the back. Adam just smiled and nodded.
“See ya next Friday,” said David as he grabbed his bags and walked out the door in one sweeping motion.
* * *
The week went by way too fast for David. He never thought he would ever want to be around his parents as much as he did once they were gone. David stood over his suitcase which sat on the bed. He contemplated how to close it without breaking the zipper. His mom insisted on taking him shopping for new clothes and went a little overboard. He crammed as much as he could into his parents’ luggage, but he was still left with more than he came with.He jumped up and landed sitting on top of the bag, but the mattress gave more than he expected and he fell off the bed with his bag spilling on top of him. David lay on the floor for a minute, trying to let his frustration subside. He finally got up and decided to leave the suitcase alone and check his e-mail. No fans, no eBay, just one lone message from Justin. Oh God, please let the apartment not be burned to the ground, thought David. The e-mail simply read:
Davey, you need to read this.
A document was attached to the e-mail. He didn’t know why, but his palms started to sweat. He could feel his heart beating in his wrists. The document was simply titled “Enough.” David took a deep breath and opened it.
Well here I am. Sitting in Dave’s apartment. Everyone’s asleep and I’m alone. It is becoming increasingly apparent to me that my life is going no where. I can’t hold down a job. I can’t stay in school. I’ve let down almost everyone I know. Especially you Dave. I’ve wanted to make it up to you so many times. I’ve wanted to tell you how sorry I am everyday. I don’t understand how you could just forgive me like you did. I don’t deserve that. I don’t deserve anyone who cares about me.
So I’ve had enough. Enough of myself. I’m never going to get it together and I have to go. I’m sorry Mom and Dad. I’m sorry Justin. I’m sorry to anyone’s dad who ever trusted me with a job. I’m sorry Dave. I’m sorry Dave. I’m sorry Dave. I’m sorry Dave.
A thousand thoughts rushed into David’s head at once and he couldn’t move. The grandfather clock in the hallway struck on the hour and snapped David back to reality. 10:00 pm. He grabbed the phone and called home.
“Hey Justin, I just got your e-mail. Please tell me he’s okay,” said David, his voice quivering with tears.
“I can’t say. He’s missing. I woke up this morning, he was gone, and his letter was open on your computer.”
“Have you guys looked for him? Did you call the police? What the hell are you doin - “
“Dave, just shut up for a second. I called the police. They came and took a report, but, I mean, there wasn’t much to say. All I found was the letter. I drove around after the cops left. Checked the Greyhound stations, Union Station and as many bus stops as I could. I’m searching more tomorrow. When are you getting home?”
“Tomorrow, late. I can help you look for him on Saturday.”
“Alright, well I’m not going to be home tomorrow night. I’m going to a party, so I’ll
probably be back home Saturday morning, then we can look for him some more.”
“A party? Don’t you think you have more important shit to do, like look for Adam?” He was borderline hysterical.
“Look man, there’s not much I can do once it gets dark. Besides, it’ll give me a chance to kinda relax and collect my thoughts for a bit.”
David desperately wished that he could be home right then to look Justin in the eye and tell him he was the worst friend Adam ever had.
“Alright, whatever you want to do,” said David “I’ll see you Saturday.”
David could barely sleep that night. Memories of the last day he spent with Adam flashed through his head. He wished he could go back and blow off everyone else he hung out with that night just so he could have spent more time with Adam. The flight the next day was the longest trip of his life. All he could think about was getting home so he could look for Adam. He didn’t tell his parents what had happened, and they didn’t sense that anything was wrong. He just sat quietly, lost in his own thoughts and memories. Last Friday was a lot clearer than he thought it would be.
The plane finally touched down. David and his parents grabbed their luggage and walked to their rental car. They pulled up in front of his apartment and David stepped out.
“We’ll see you tomorrow Dave,” said his dad.
“Yeah, see ya Dad. Bye Mom.”
He climbed up the stairs, his luggage feeling so much heavier than it did when he left last week. With bags in hand, he grabbed his key and fumbled with it trying to get it in the keyhole. As soon as he did, he threw open the door and dropped his things just inside. The apartment was completely dark, indicating that no one was home. He flipped on the lights and walked into the kitchen to get some water. The sink was full of disgusting dishes, as expected. He walked back into the living room with his glass, which fell out of his hand as soon as the couch came into his line of sight.
Adam was laying on the couch. He was on his side, with his back to the room. He was wearing jeans and a sweatshirt with the hood pulled over his head. David crept over to him, afraid of what he might see. He stood over Adam and put his head next to his nose. He was breathing. David almost fell on the floor with relief. He wanted to shake Adam awake and tell him how sorry and angry and sad he was about what had happened between them. He wanted to stay up the rest of the night playing video games and watching movies. He wanted to make up for every second lost.
He decided to let him sleep instead. David turned off the lights and climbed into his
bed. He slept more soundly than he could ever remember.
The next morning David woke early. He squinted at his clock. 6:44 am. He got up to get some water. He walked out and looked at the couch, but Adam was gone. David’s heart froze. He ran to the front door but stopped before opening it. He noticed a white piece of paper, folded once, sitting on the floor between his feet. He was starting to cry as he reached down to pick it up. It read:
Went running. Be back soon. -Adam
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